Emily arrives late to art class. As soon as she walks through the door, Sameena hurriedly remove her bags and boxes of pastels from the drawing bench next to hers.
Sameena: You must sit here.
As though she is climbing into a dentist's chair, Emily flashes a sick smiles and sits. She surveys the day's task -- a mound of leafy potted plants -- and then she pulls out a small drawing board (2 x 3), and begins to cut a piece of paper to the correct size.
Sameena: (reproachfully) This is a very large composition so what are you thinking using such a small drawing board. You go get a large one right now how could you possibly use a small one.
Emily nods, choosing the path of least resistance. She begins to draw the plants, though she uses purple instead of green pastels. Five minutes pass. Sameena looks over at Emily's paper.
Sameena: Have you ever in your life seen a plant that color?
Emily: No, I guess I haven't.
Sameena: Then why would you draw it?
Emily: Well, I guess for that very reason.
Sameena raises her eyebrows reproachfully and turns away. Five minutes later, Sameena tries to speak to Emily, but Emily, in something of a trance, doesn't hear. Inpatient, Sameena reaches over, makes a fist, and knocks very loudly on Emily's drawing board. Startled, Emily sucks in her breath, making a high-pitched noise.
Emily: Did you need something?
Sameena: Do you like (inaudible)?
Emily: (leaning closer) Excuse me?
Sameena: Do you like (inaudible)?
Emily: I'm so sorry. I can't hear you.
Sameena: (rolling her eyes and sighing with irritation) Do you like (inaudible)?
Emily: I'm really sorry. I just can't--
Sameena leans over and writes "Brian Adams" on Emily's drawing paper in brown pastel.
Emily: Oh. Well, not really.
Sameena: (offended) How can you not like Brian Adams I love him he is my very favorite.
She puts both hands on her heart and breaths heavily and closes her eyes. Emily smiles, misreading this performance as intentionally hyperbolic.
Emily: Oh, you're funny.
Sameena: Why is it funny?
Emily: Oh, it's not. I meant that --
Sameena: He is everything why is it funny?
Emily: Really it's not. It's not funny at all. I'm very sorry
Five minutes pass. Again, Emily enters her trance and Sameena tries to speak to her. Sameena, again, quickly resorts to knocking loudly on Emily's drawing board, and this time, in surprise, Emily jumps, leaving a stray purple mark on her artwork.
Sameena: What time are you leaving today?
Emily: When art class ends, at 12:30.
Sameena: Sharp?
Emily: Sharp.
Sameena: Why must you leave then?
Emily: That's when the driver is coming to get me.
Sameena: First you must instead come with me to the cafe I will show you all the art there. It is amazing and you must see it.
Emily: Unfortunately, not today.
Sameena: You must see it otherwise you are only harming yourself.
Emily: I really do have to leave today at 12:30. I'm sorry. Maybe a different day.
Sameena sighs loudly, rolls her eyes, turns away, and pouts demonstratively.
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10 comments:
I just love that nothing Sameena says is punctuated. She's just a string of words without structure. The Brian Adams bit is hilarious. Poor Sameena. Poor you.
Also, "otherwise you are harming yourself" is priceless.
I hope it's early Brian Adams that she likes, but I fear it isn't! Thanks so much for reading!
Dear Emily- I've found that I've done a complete 180 on the subject of Sameena. She sounds as though her wheels have come completely off.
What's Urdu for BACK THE HELL OFF!?
So... it's been a few day's. Did you have tea with Sameena?
re tea, my husband needs the car and i just can't -- can't -- delay in getting home. next week i might bite the bullet and do it. do you think i should?
I think she's turned into a bully. yeeeg.
The determining question is: How many weeks does this damn art class last?
the first session ends this week. but, i think there's another session after it in which i strongly suspect sameena will enroll, especially after i mention to her my own plans to do so. today, she sneaked up behind me and grabbed my shoulders, and i shrieked.
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